A night with Chris Mclean
by MarcoDelMarco
Summary: Chris has to go through all the extra footage of the show, part of the job, and finds almost all the footage is unuseable because the guys on his cast just can't keep their hands to themselves. It ain't always easy being the host of Total Drama.


(Yeah, I've been doing a lot of slash lately….If you watch me for other stuff *cough, Witch Hazel, cough* I'm sorry. This is what I'm inspired to write right now. I hope you enjoy it!)

Popcorn at hand, a large soda, and access to hours of unscreened Total Drama; Chris was going to have a good night. Those contestants had no idea, heck, neither did Chef. They knew there were cameras all over the place. But those weren't the half of it. He sat down in his chair in front of the monitor in the editing room, checked his hair in his reflection, and popped in the first tape.

A hospital room shows up on screen. He can't help but chuckle, that Alejandro thought he was such hot stuff. A kick in the coconuts and a good shove from the queen of mean knocked that out of him, that and a few bones and layers of skin. Heh, that look on his face….Chris might have felt bad for the guy, if it wasn't so funny!

"That kid, he is gold! Ha, he's starting to cry!" he shoveled some popcorn in his mouth. He was savoring the runner-up's pain when he stopped and leaned in to see something unexpected. "Tyler?" Mclean didn't quite know what he was seeing.

A kiss?

"Holy crap! Oh this is good television!" he was about to get up and do a victory lap for catching such a ratings boosting moment on film but then he remembered, "Oh yeah…"he smiled fell, "the producers won't let me show this…."

He plopped back down in his rolling chair, dejected. "Damn. Why do they have to be like that? Gay stuff is great TV! Hell, if the producers would look on the internet for ten minutes they'd find our fans eat that stuff up. God, there are so many pervy pairings…" He starting counting them off in his head, "NoCo, Nowen, DunHar, AleTyler, and god knows how many more." He laughed again, looking at the sport-o and his injured latin lover, thinking about how many of those parings were true.

He took a swig of his cola and ejected the tape. No use watching footage he couldn't use. Real shame too, they looked really cute together. Chris always did thing those two had a real connection. But moving along, he stuck in the next tape, this one was from the rescue boats that rescued them at Hawaii. He pushed play and, to his annoyance, saw more unusable footage.

This time it was the two scrawniest boys on his cast, Noah and Cody, macking on the rear of the boat. They had falling out that season Mclean remembered.

"Guess they made up. Wait," he narrowed his eyes and leaned closer to get a better view, "Is that….Izzy? With a camcorder?" He could see the bat crap crazy red head in the background, and she was indeed filming the two boys swap spit. On the one hand Chris found this hilarious, everything that chick did was worth a laugh, but on the other hand that footage belongs to Total Drama Inc. He wrote a note reminding him to make Chef steal that camera.

"She's not going to sell footage of MY show to pay off the RCMP!" He angrily ejected this tape as well, just as Noah's hand was making its way up Cody's shirt. It was hot yes, but utterly useless to the host.

Chris spent the rest of the night looking over tape after tape after tape, but found little to no useable material. The guys on his show just could not keep their hands (and other body parts) to themselves. With each film he was expecting to find some fresh drama for sweeps week or to use in the television ads for the show, but each just had guy on guy. Noah and Cody in the cargo hold, Alejandro and Tyler in the confession galley, and Duncan with, well, pretty much everyone at some point, in the confession can (that boy gets around!)

He didn't know what to do….a whole night, though very entertaining, with no results. Mclean threw away his empty popcorn tub and soda cup and slinked out of the editing room feeling lousy for not finding any juicy footage that the producers would allow on air. What would he run on sweeps?

He sighed heavily. What was wrong with kids these days? They're hormone induced hump monkeys that can't keep themselves in check! And that is awesome. But, still, with the producers with sticks up their collectives butts it's just annoying. He was at a loss from his wasted night.

Chris got back to his Mclean McMansion, crawled into his velvet sheeted king size bed, and began to sulk. All this gayness…he just couldn't get away from it. It was everywhere he looked on his show and he couldn't do a thing with it. All he wanted to do was lay there and sulk but…..

"Finally, where'd the heck you been all night boy? You know I can't sleep good if I don't have someone to cuddle."

"Sorry dude," Chris slid over to his burly bedmate, wrapping his arm around his waist, "I had to work."

"Well, ok." The cook gave him a light kiss on the top of the head, "Just don't make a habit of it." He then ruffled the host's overly jelled locks.

Chris didn't like it when other touched his hair, but still he couldn't help but crack a grin despite the night wasted. A lot would happen in the bed that night, but not sulking.


End file.
